These days I have many friends and I have gone to great lengths to live a happy and useful life. I maintain a solid sense of ethics, I genuinely like people and overall, in spite of some aches and pains, life is good.
Sometimes, though, life has thrown a few curves balls my way. I survived, and out of each negative experience I learned something and became a stronger person. I rejected the entire concept of becoming bitter, of wanting revenge or of hurting others. Instead, I maintain my own integrity and, when harmed by others, simply shrug it off and move on with my life. Why pollute my universe and my space with their foulness?
I think the most difficult time of life for me was the nine years that Claudia, my late wife, was chronically ill. Her illness began as asthma ... and she smoked and wouldn't stop. The asthma turned into COPD and then severe lung disease. The medications to help her breath led to complications including diabetes and edema. She got a severe gash on her leg when something feel out of the refrigerator, and that never did heal. Her hospital stay resulted in three very nice cases of MRSA which required intravenous antibiotics, and I was the person who changed her IV. She had nine hospitalizations, stopped breathing dozens of times, and went through two long comas. She passed away in February 2005.
But I survived and I learned I could look death and disease in the eye and overcome it all.
Long before I was married I became friends with someone. She was smart, she was beautiful and she seemed like such a nice person. Shows how little I knew. After a few months, she confessed to a drug problem, a bad one, and I spent the next month working her off her addiction. Christmas came and I wanted to spend the day with my friend, newly off drugs. She told me to go away, she didn't need me anymore...
I survived and learned I could handle being used and the cruelty of others.
When I married Claudia she had a son who was fourteen years old. He learned he could make his mother cry, which would cause her to work on me to do things for him. As she became more and more ill, he learned that by making her sick he could get even more from me. When I put my foot down, attempting to resolve the situation, he made her so sick, via his unkind words, that she stopped breathing and wound up in the hospital. Thus I was stuck between the proverbial rock and a hard place. After she passed away, he continued to attempt to use me, but when he realized he was not going to get anything ... I haven't heard from him since.
I survived and learned that sometimes other people create their own hells and no matter what I do that won't change unless they want it to change.
When I was in high school, I had a physical education teacher who felt it was important to make anyone who didn't live up to his standards feel small and worthless. He was exceptionally good at this, and the two years I spent in his class were among the worst of my life. This was verbal abuse, backed by his authority as a teacher.
I survived and learned that others can be evil and cruel, but I don't have to listen to them and accept their judgments.
I went to elementary school in San Bernardino, back in the days when they just started the grand integration project. I was beat up every single day on the way home from school (by the white boys) and not a single adult would listen or help.I finally approached the biggest, meanest black student in the school and we made a deal. I helped him with his homework and he made sure everyone left me alone. We became very good friends and I remember him as perhaps my best friend in my childhood.
I survived and learned to reject prejudice and that sometimes others can help me and I can help them back.
After Claudia passed away, I was left with literally a mountain of debt, higher than the sky, or so it seemed at the time. I had medical debts, credit card debts, a student loan, debts with friends and lord knows what other debts. I put together a plan and, in the space of just a few years, paid it all off. Now I have 5 car payments left and a bit on my student loan, and I am done. By the end of this year, no debt.
Again, I survived and learned I could get myself into debt and get myself out of debt.
A few years ago, I learned I had carpal tunnel syndrome. It became severe and my hands were totally numb. I could literally stick pins in them and not feel anything. I worked with my minister for spiritual advice, my doctor for medical advice and my chiropractor for his advice. Now I have full feeling in my hands and there is not a sign of carpal anywhere. Basically this was the result of a lot of spiritual counseling and a few lifestyle changes, as well as a good chiropractor.
I survived and learned that I can defeat illnesses in my own body.
I have learned many things in my life. I learn from the good times and I learn from the bad times.
The most important lesson I have learned is life is too short to let the bad times overcome the good times, and that my own personal integrity is the most important thing that I have.
I hope this little article has some value to you.
Unless otherwise noted, all photos and text is Copyright © Richard G Lowe, Jr.