Tue, August 15, 2006 - 7:21 PM
Friendship is interesting to me. I'm not sure I've really figured it out yet. I like having friends, people to talk to and socialize with. But sometimes, actually quite often, I still don't know what to do.
So if I seem standoffish or don't act the way you expect, it's not because I don't like you or you've done something wrong. It probably has nothing to do with you all. It's just that I don't know what to do.
When I was a child, for various reasons I became very introverted. To me the most fun and entertaining thing in the world was building a model airplane, collecting stamps, or riding my bike by myself. I also liked to collect rocks, and play with my model railroad system.
By the time I got to high school, I was definitely a loner. I sat in the back of the class, and I had my nose stuck in a book; most likely a science fiction or fantasy novel. In college I became even more of a loner, which is hard to believe, until by my mid-20s I worked the night shift for a computer company. My office was behind the computer in the computer room, with an air conditioner blowing down the back of my neck.
And then when I was 33 years old, I made a change to my life. I got married. And for awhile, this loner started to become a little bit more of an extrovert. Just a little bit. But then, my wife started getting sick and work became more hectic, and I was forced to put all my attention on my wife's health and my job. For over 10 years that was my entire life.
Fast forward to today; I'm still a bit of a loner, but I'm definitely not an introvert. My eyes are not focused inward to myself; they are focused outward to the world and other people.
When I was a small child, my eyes were full of wonder and life was total enjoyment for me. I used to love climbing on rocks, running around the playground, and just living life without worry. As I grew older, life became crushing and I had to focus on what seemed to be important at the time. In the period of time beginning about five years ago and ending two years ago, I felt like Atlas with the weight of the world on my shoulders.
I hid, as the world was very hostile. One thing I discovered a very early age is to keep my mouth shut. To stay invisible. To focus on the things that were important.
Now, life is wonderful again. I feel joy hiking in the deserts of Joshua tree, death Valley, the San Gabriel and San Bernardino Mountains, the beaches of California, and hundreds of other places. I'm expanding my horizons and learning to experience new things that I never would have dreamed of doing when I was younger.
I'm enjoying the Renaissance faire; no, let me rephrase that. I'm having the time of my life wandering around Renaissance faires and just looking at things, taking pictures of things, seeing people and what they're doing and observing everybody in interact. I'm learning that it's okay to look at somebody and say hello, give them a hug, shake their hand, take their picture, get involved in a conversation with them, or join in whatever activity they're doing. Believe it or not, this is amazing to me.
Through most of my life, I had absolutely no idea that it was totally okay, actually even desired, to interact with other people. I mean, people who aren't friends, a boss, coworkers or family.
And now I'm enjoying myself immensely. I'm going to bellydancing shows, I even went to a Gothic bellydancing show and it was great. I went to medieval Times several times, and screamed and shouted with the rest of the crowd for my knight. Believe it or not, this is new to me.
So anyway, the point of this little dissertation is simply to say I'm still learning how to be... extroverted. I have an advantage, in that I know precisely who I am. But a lot of the rules that I learned early in life and which were reinforced later, are clearly lies.
I learned never to eat food with my hands. And yet now I love going to medieval times, where silverware Is banished. I knew, without a doubt, that dancing is wrong. And now I'm going to shows to see belly dances, Gothic dancing, and other types of dancing I'm sure.
But I think the most important thing that I knew with absolutely no doubts and reservations, was that life is not supposed to be fun. Life is supposed to be work. Life is about survival, getting ahead, and so forth. But it's not fun.
And that was one of the lies that I have unlearned in the past few years.
Life is supposed to be fun.
Yes, life involves work, and it involves responsibility, and it involves lots of other things. But it's important to have fun.
Now, this blog entry started as a couple of paragraphs about friendship. So I'm going to eat some dinner and watch a movie on my DVD player.
Wanna have some fun?
Deena (Tue, August 15, 2006 - 7:49 PM)
I'm glad you're learning to have fun, again. You deserve to have fun, now, after working so hard for so long. You know, now that your friends know that you're still working on how to interact, they'll probably be coaxing you along. If we all know you don't quite know what to do, we'll give you plenty of ideas, I'm sure.
Lee R. Green (Tue, August 15, 2006 - 8:18 PM)
I was the same, grew up introverted. When I decided it was time to move out into the world, I made the maistake of thinking the world would just open and there I'd be, popular. It didn't work that way. So I figured out a few tricks. First I learned to look around and see who might be alone, and then try to get next to them. It was easier to get next to one person at a time than a group. In that way, I built my own group, adding one person at a time.
But the one really importaint thing I learned is that most people have an ego. So think up a few obscure questions.... not too personal or weird, but something another person may find themselves able to take pride in, so if a conversation lags, pop out one of these questions, and stand back while they tell you all about themselves. Works 98% of the time. People will always talk when you ask them about themselves.
Unless otherwise noted, all photos and text is Copyright © Richard G Lowe, Jr.